Toronto – Ten First Dates Later

I am a single woman in Toronto and I am having the time of my life. Men are everywhere, I have my mind and my eyes open not to miss any opportunity to improve my knowledge in Manology. I am getting so good at this that there are big chances I become either a nun or a lesbian, very very soon. The more I learn about men, the less interesting I find them. I still like sex though, I think this is what keeps me going for now.

In Toronto there are more women than men so they are trying harder. Most of them are emigrants, so each individual is unique, a blend of his own background, education and Canadian influences. A girl has more chances here, than in a regular city, to find young, very well educated professionals of all colours and religions. Diversity is amazing and I feel like I am in a candy store: I want them all!!!

Bottom line, I enjoy beyond words dating men in Toronto, observing them, playing my own games with them or getting into their games and playing along. I just cant have enough. How can you settle to one when you have another ten waiting in line? I am not ready to make big decisions yet so I am gonna keep doing some cake tasting for a while. You never know what tomorrow might bring. What if I have to go back to my little Romanian home town tomorrow? If you knew what kind of men live in that town, you would make me date five Torontonians at a time and apply for refugee (love life reasons).

I am in Toronto for almost eight months and I had 10 first dates. Some were nice, some were not that nice, some were weird etc. Here they are, in brief:

1^st date: At Starbucks. Background: Canadian.  I am a girl looking for a boyfriend, not a shrink looking for a patient.

Message for him: when you date a girl for the first time, don’t keep on and on about your insecurities and problems. She probably has her own issues. We all do. Don’t act like a cry baby. If a girl wants a child, she will give birth to one. Usually, when dating, girls look for men that at least seem capable to take care of them. Don’t get me wrong, I think you are a great guy and once you will have all your problems figured out, you will be a great boyfriend for a girl.  I wasn’t meant to be, because I am too focused on dealing with my own problems.  I am that selfish.

2^nd date: City tour by night. Background: Sri Lanka. Living in Canada for about ten years. Very handsome boy. Very smart boy. Loner. Weird. Mysterious. Damaged. Or maybe just married.

Message for him: you stood by me at a party where I knew nobody, you gave me my first Toronto tour and later on, when I needed help, you were there, even though we had our last talk half an year before. You are a good hearted handsome, smart boy, even though you are loner, weird, mysterious and damaged.  Or maybe just married.

3^rd date: City tour by day. Background: Lebanon. In Canada for about 7-8 years. Long walk in the cold. Nice dinner at Paramount Restaurant at Dundas Square. Funny, smart, many lines. We dated for two months and lots of things happened. But, to continue the description: emotional, jealous, exhausted me mentally and emotionally with all his moods.

Message for him: thank you for making me laugh for four months (we were friends for another two months after we stopped dating), for challenging me intellectually, for showing me new places in Canada. But, if I don’t want to listen to what you have to say, leave me alone. Keeping me in a room to yell at me for an hour, won’t make me like you more, on the contrary. Not to mention it only proves that when I called you a jerk, I was right. Keep in mind for future reference: if you want to prove a girl you are not a jerk, just don’t act like one. Simple as that. Otherwise you were wonderful.  Keep up the good work.

4^th date: Drinks at Jack Astor’s, if I recall well. There were few other dates, I don’t remember how many and where. I know for sure we went bowling once and I kicked ass.  Background: Palestine. In Canada for a few years, more than 5 I think.  Handsome, very tall (this turns me on, on, on). Funny, smart, hardworking. I think he is not ready for commitment, that is why I never went too far with him. Other than that, he seems like a great guy.

Message for him: You are hot. And so cute when you ask for it over and over again. And even cutter because you don’t feel offended when you don’t get it.

5^th date: Crepes and drinks somewhere around College area. Background: Venezuela. In Canada for a while, I have no idea how long. Handsome, smart, funny. Being called “sweety” with a South-American accent is so damn sexy.  Player. Looking to sleep around.

Message: Thank you for offering me an extra bed for the night, just because you were feeling bad I had to travel that long to get back home. I was deeply moved. Torontonian generosity overwhelms me. It is amazing how every man has at least one extra bed in his home, for unfortunate girls like me, that live far from downtown. I am still counting them (the extra beds).

6^th date: Drinks on King Street West. Background: Mexico. In Canada for about 7 years. I am not sure. Movie director, good English, smart.

Message for him: You are nice but you are too shy. Sorry. I need a man that can at least try to dominate me.

7^th date: Beautiful day in Kensington Market, Little Italy, drinks at Bier Market, dinner at a Thai place on King Street West then making out on the Path. A twelve hours long date.  Background: Like he said: “Greek. Second generation here.” Charming, handsome, divorced, looking for flings. Of course, he had an extra bed for me. We sometimes bump into each other and he reminds me I still have an extra bed waiting for me at Yonge&Eglinton. Good to know.

Message for him: I am sorry I am not looking for a filler right now. You would be a perfect one: sexy, charming, experienced, well read, funny. But I have your number. You never know when I might need an extra bed.

8^th date: Drinks somewhere. Background: India but born in Canada. For about three or four dates I heard more lines than my intelligence can handle and I witnessed the worst move to get a woman to bed, ever. Some guys are either idiots or just too lazy.

Message for him: So you invited me for a walk in Old Cabbagetown, on the way you remembered you must buy something from the supermarket, we entered the supermarket, you shopped as if you were getting ready for nuclear attack, of course you had to take the groceries home, before we could continue our walk, you insisted I shouldn’t wait for you outside because it is cold, so I went upstairs where I could see all the dirty underwear that you wore for the past month, lying on the floor, your toilet was so dirty that my body refused to pee, you realised you are very hungry so you started cooking a frozen pizza in the dirtiest oven I have ever seen, then you tried to have sex with me, I said no,  so you didn’t walk me to the subway, you texted me the next weekend if I want to come over.  Really? How can you be that idiot?

9^th date: Easter Day. The Distillery, the Harbour Front, drinks at Hey Lucy! On King Street West. Background: German. Good looking, nice, polite. I really liked this guy.

Message for him: Like I told you, I don’t mind making some moves but making all of them, because you are afraid to be rejected, is just ridiculous. Once you work on your self esteem, give me a call. If I am not busy, I might take you back.

10th date:Drinks somewhere, I don’t remember the name of the area, somewhere around Jane subway station. Background: Canadian, born from Jamaican parents. Way too many lines. Way too many. But he was cute so I decided to make him my personal project.

Message to him: Paying for a girl’s drinks and movie is what gentlemen do. Once the dating gets more serious, people usually take turns when paying or each is paying for himself/herself.  But when asking a girl out, make sure you can pay for a drink or a movie. Otherwise stay home. Oh! And stop bragging about your high education at Ryerson. Anyone can achieve that. Ryerson is for  very ordinary people. Remember you live in Toronto, where gifted people come on scholarships from famous universities around the world. Maybe the girl you are bragging about your education to, had the chance to meet some talented PhDs which will make you look even more ridiculous. Just saying.

Conclusion is that dating can get very difficult at times. But, someone got to do it!

Toronto – Six Months Later

When I look back six months ago it is if I look back in another life time. So many intense, beautiful and meaningful things happened to me during these six months in Toronto, that I sometimes have the feeling I am living somebody else’s life.

When I left Romania, I actually ran away. My country and my town couldn’t have me anymore and I couldn’t have them. I was slowly turning into a small person, with a small mind, living a small life. For me, sky is the limit and my dreams have no borders, so living like that was killing me on the inside. I remember I was feeling drawn and bored. Tomorrow was just another day.  My life was going by too fast. I didn’t stop to cease the day anymore. What was even worse, was that I couldn’t foretell anything interesting in the years to come. It seemed that when I ended my relationship with my ex boyfriend, I ended my relationship with my town and with my country. Therefore my strong desire to escape as soon as possible.  At least for a while, to figure out where I stand and what I want to do with my life. Everything felt wrong and I didn’t fit there anymore.

I chose Canada for my escape and I let fate choose between Toronto and Montreal.  I believe in fate. So many times destiny had its way with me and proved me wrong when I was so sure I was right. There were times in my life when I thought I can have things my way. Many times I discovered that in fact, different things were carefully planned for me and what I wanted didn’t matter. That is why I don’t fight destiny anymore. I walk through life with a smile on my face and a positive attitude, always ready to embrace the unknown and to take all chances life offers me. I don’t spend my lifetime planning ahead anymore, I would rather spend my lifetime living and enjoying everything I am given. The same happened with Canada. I just intended to come here. The rest was nothing but destiny. That is why I like to think that I didn’t choose Toronto. Toronto chose me. It was supposed to be a five months getaway, to put my mind in order and get ready for the next step. Now, six months later, I want to live here forever. From the first moment I walked the streets of Toronto, I felt like I was home, back from a very long journey.

There are times when I think I got here too late but then I remember how nothing I was given  in this  life was random. Even if at the beginning some things that happened to me seemed odd, in no time I could see how every piece of my existence finds its place in this amazing puzzle which is my life. Every person I met, every little or great thing that happened to me, had a purpose. Not a single tear or a single laughter was in vain. That is why I regret nothing.  And this is how I know I came to Toronto exactly at the right time. What has happened to me here, until now, has been amazing, what is about to come…I can’t wait.

I arrived here in the middle of winter. Toronto means to me the longest, coldest winter, the greatest amount of snow I have ever seen but also the most beautiful summer that I enjoy with all my heart and soul just because I have never waited for a summer for so long before. Here, people celebrate 10 degrees by throwing away the winter boots and wearing flip flops. But even if  winter is so long and cold, it happens on the most wonderful clear blue sky that can be.

Apart from that, Toronto means to me the luxury of finally being myself. After 30 years of living in a country and a town filled with judgemental people, where you dress to impress and not to feel good, where you hang out with people you don’t actually like just to be cool and therefore accepted, where people in their 30’s drive expensive limos they cannot afford while still living with their parents in 50 square metres condos, it is a relief to finally be in a place where people don’t care what I wear but they are rather interested in how I am. Here, I can go out with messy hair and shoes that don’t match my outfit and nobody cares. I can even remove my shoes and walk barefoot downtown Toronto on a Saturday night. Nobody cares. They don’t give you the dirty looks and they include you in the conversation even if they wear designer shoes and you were nothing. When meeting somebody here, what strikes me the most is that they actually try to get a glimpse of the real me.

There are many things I love about Toronto. So many, that I don’t know where to start. When thinking of Toronto, I get the butterflies so I could say I am in love with it. Six months later, Toronto is still new to me. And this amazes me. I admit I took everything very slow, I didn’t rush in exploring everything at once, because I like being surprised by Toronto. Knowing that in every moment I can go see something new, makes me feel incredible happy.  It is great when I meet Torontonians that love the city as much as I do and they show me with great passion, little beautiful corners on quiet streets or brunch places with a great scenery or a small beach overlooking the island or intimate cafes serving the best cappucino, things that nobody can discover by themselves in a short time, only by reading city guides. When this happens to me, I feel like the city is a very welcoming home and the host is so kind that lets me enter and explore the most private rooms and corners.

Toronto is such a new city, that its history is written right now, as I walk its streets. Somebody told me there is an urban legend saying that nearly 30 years ago, on the lakeshore, there was a sign saying swimming is forbidden for dogs and Jewish people. If this is even partially true, then it is amazing to see how far this city has come in just 30 years: there are over 100 languages spoken on the streets, people living here are from all over the world, some from countries I didn’t even know they exist, gay couples are holding hands and kissing in the street  along with the straight couples, just like they are supposed to, religion doesn’t matter and in your resumee you don’t have to mention your gender or your age as the employer mostly cares about your professional background.

Going out in Toronto is like going back to school. Toronto is filled with all types of people: businessmen, students, refugees, emigrants, victims of wars and genocides etc, all living happy in a very welcoming city. By going out for drinks I have learned about Palestinian refugees, genocide in Cambodgia, war in Lebanon, small islands in the Caribbeans, about a Mexican grandmother that when praying to God also prays to the wind and to the mountain, just like her ancestors, about how odd couples like a Turkish man and a Japanese woman can only find happiness in Canada, because neither Turkey or Japan is ready for both of them.

In Toronto, stereotypes are nothing but a source of fun when people from different cultures get together. Even back in Romania, I have always tried not to let myself driven by stereotypes when judging people. In my opinion, factors like education, intellectual background and personality are features that define somebody as a good or a bad person. Being a believer, no matter the religion, is a great thing. Being a fanatic, no matter the religion is what makes one narrow minded and unapproachable. I remember a Russian girl, most likely a Christian, once told me: “If I meet the right man, I am willing to change my religion”. And a muslim guy, that was listening to our chat, told her: ”You know what? He is not the right man if you have to change anything for him”.

And speaking of the multicultural Toronto, I recall this particular very rainy Sunday morning. I was taking a walk, enjoying a coffee and the city, when I got into a miniature war, taking place right there, downtown Toronto. On two opposite sidewalks there were two groups, one of Israelis and one of Palestinians. The Palestinians were militating in favour of getting their country back, while Israelis were telling them that Palestine is their home now. While passing by, I overheard a Palestinian refugee saying to somebody, with so much sadness in his voice: “Well, when they got their home, I lost mine.” This sentence will always hunt me. I resent my country most of the times while there are people out there that don’t have a country anymore. It must be terrible not to have a homeland, even nowadays when we are all citizens of the world and most of the borders are rather symbolic.

Toronto wouldn’t mean as much to me if it weren’t for the people I met or the experiences I lived. Some of the people I met are outstanding individuals and they will always be in my heart and my mind, no matter where this life will take me. The intensity and the weirdness of some experiences I lived here cannot be described or explained.  It is like God is trying to make up for the many boring years I lived in Romania until now, giving me in six months what he didn’t give me in thirty years. I don’t try to have control over what is happening to me here. I go with the flow and I enjoy every person I meet, every experience I have, every story I hear, no matter if it turns out to be good or bad. Even when the consequences are not positive, there is always a lesson to learn and I find this priceless. And I know that even the bad experiences will fit in the puzzle of my life eventually. They always did in the past.  I can’t see how just yet. But time will tell.

After six months in Toronto I know for sure that I still haven’t reached my limits. It is amazing how I keep pushing myself in doing new things and when I think that this is it, that I can’t go any further, I discover that I can go on and on and more than this, I like it. I love walking new paths and leaving trails. Life is a great journey if you are well equipped. Build a positive attitude, never lose hope, let yourself amazed by everything, never forget to “wow” to every little thing that moves your heart or makes you smile, always forgive, never settle for less than you deserve, never cease to learn, to love and to laugh. Always keep climbing. It might be exhausting and you may never reach the top but if you stop every now and then and enjoy the view, it is worth it.

Toronto changed me. Now I drink my coffee black, I have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I read the whole time I am in the bus and in the subway, I am enjoying my weekends more, I don’t get enough of meeting new people and hearing their stories, I eat poutine, I drink beer and I watch hockey, I give everybody a chance to amaze me, I give to all the ones that fail in amazing me a second chance to amaze me…The greatest discoveries I have made here are Carol Shields, a Canadian writer and 20 Amp Soundchild, a local, unknown band that I can’t get enough of. I keep going to their concerts because their energy and their passion bring joy to my soul and make me want to create something that people will cherish, just like I cherish their songs. If I will ever have to leave Toronto, I will never forget the soft voice of the woman that recites the stations at the subway, the smell of cold in winter, the colours of summer, King Street West, Tim Hortons coffee and maple dip donuts, Toronto Island or the image of St Andrew church lost among skyscrapers